Being Good in Bali, or Lessons about Being 40

Joy here...This year The Man and most of his school friends turn 40.  It's a big year, a big milestone, and a chance to celebrate and take stock of where one is at this particular moment in time, poised midway between 20 and 60.  And the way one chooses to celebrate one of these milestones says a lot about where one happens to be at this milestone juncture.

One friend's birthday cake(s).

Another friend's birthday cake.

I have a theory that the way people choose to celebrate their marriages (or choose not to formally get married) says a lot about the particular couple at the time.  Some people thrive in huge celebrations, inviting everyone they know (and a fair number they don't know); some people focus on the big family aspect of the celebration; some choose a destination wedding to focus on the exotic; some want to make sure that everything is haute couture, from the dress to the food to the music; some elope in the middle of the woods with only nature there to witness; some have a quiet wedding at home with some family and friends etc. etc.

As The Man's friends have started celebrating turning 40 (and his is coming in less than 2 months), I'm seeing that these birthday celebrations say a lot about where these guys are at this point in their lives - be it celebrating with family all around in a kid-centred party, or refusing to celebrate at all in a bit of aging denial, to having a late night drinkfest. We headed to the island of Bali to help one of his friends ring in 40.

The walkway to the pool at our amazing hotel in Bali,
The Oberoi, which I highly recommend!

I've never been to Bali before, and there's loads to do and see on the island.  One of my girlfriends from high school who used to be a school teacher in Asia told me:  "Bali is bliss! Ubud is great. The Gili Islands are awesome as well as Lombok!."

But we've found ourselves really busy these days, so we didn't get to see any of that.  We flew into Denpasar on Saturday afternoon, celebrated the birthday on Saturday night, and then headed back to Kuala Lumpur on Sunday afternoon.  It was a quick trip.  Even the immigration guy took one look at my Canadian passport and asked, "only one day?" not understanding how or why someone would travel all the way from Canada only to stay overnight in Bali when there's so much to do and see.

But sometimes a short trip between intense work periods is better than no trip at all!

And given my newfound fitness and realization that I need to pay attention to details to make real progress, we headed to Bali with a commitment not to let the training fall off entirely, and to just "say no" to the booze.

The beautiful beach right at the edge of our hotel property.

Back when I was 18 or 19 a friend of mine and I had a running joke that "one leads to twenty" when it came to drinks.  And I've grappled with my tendency to binge drink once I get started since I was a teenager.  After one particularly embarrassing event early on in my PhD (when I fell down a flight of stairs), I didn't drink at all at any cocktail parties where professors might be throughout my doctoral work.  When studying for my comprehensive exams in the second year of my PhD, I swore off drinking entirely until after the exams (after which, I proceeded to get blindingly drunk and throw up on Ethan Hawke.  True story).

Now I've realized that my laissez faire or "more or less" attitude towards drinking has allowed me to drink a bit too much and back slide.  So lately, as I've focused on paying closer attention to the details of my life - from fitness, to professional, to personal etc. - I've started paying closer attention to my alcohol consumption.

A lovely virgin mojito.

And instead of heading to Bali with the attitude that I could just drink with the friend and help him celebrate his birthday, consequences be damned, The Man and I both promised each other that we wouldn't drink.  And we didn't.

Avoiding the booze in Bali may sound like a silly thing to be proud of.  But I've done much sillier things in my life when I've not avoided the booze, so I'll settle for pride and sobriety right now.

Over and out,
Joy