Joy here...Well, I've been travelling again, and I've been faced with working out less and being frustrated with myself as a result. And no matter how many times I throw my hands up in the air and blame my lack of focus and dedication to my workouts on a straightforward lack of time or on scheduling and travelling woes, I can't escape the sinking feeling that really the flaws are mine and mine alone.
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| Another day, another airport... |
And I hate that feeling.
I hate feeling like my failures to appropriately organize and prioritize my time so that I can hit my workouts as planned and be prepared for the next two races (gulp!) that I've signed up for are a reflection of my failings as a person. But no matter how much I hate feeling like a failure and how much I hate having to face the fact that it's not the big, bad world's fault that I can't seem to be organized enough to work out as planned, I can't escape the fact of my own failings forever.
So I've had to do some tough love with myself lately.
I've had to face the fact that while other people are able to prioritize their workouts, and let other things slide, when it comes to balancing socializing with sport, I choose socializing over sport every time. You see, I remember when I was in Ottawa, and The Man and I were heading out with some of our running friends for dinner. One of the girls was late for dinner, and as she showed up - flushed and breathless - she said, "Oh, I'm sorry to be late, I had to fit in my run before coming." It was no big deal, and we had a great dinner. But I thought about that, and I think in a similar situation where I had a scheduled run and a dinner planned, I would automatically choose to skip the run and be on time for dinner. It was a revelation to me to realize that not everyone would make the same choice. And so I began to see my failures to hit my workouts as a series of choices that I had made, not some result of inevitable scheduling conflicts.
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| A Caesar and Poutine...my first dinner back in Canada! |
You see, I just got back from nearly 2 weeks in Canada; I was there for meetings but had a chance to visit with friends and family as well. And while I was there, I predictably worked out basically not at all and am now back in Kuala Lumpur with the familiar sinking feeling of coming back from a loss of fitness. I will have to claw and climb my way out of the hole that I have dug for myself.
And how did I did this hole?
Easily.
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Out for my own birthday dinner (cake over a run workout
any day!!) |
I chose to visit with friends and family over working out. Instead of balancing my time and being able to both visit AND work out, I crammed any unscheduled time with visiting. I found myself going from one friend's house to then heading out to dinner with other friends. When I had a free moment on my first day back, I could have headed out for a run to loosen up my legs after the plane, but I went to a friend's house for a surprise coffee with her instead. I also found myself rushing home from a meeting to be able to sneak in an afternoon at the zoo with my nephew. Instead of running early in the morning, I took the wee pre-dawn hours as an opportunity to have a cup of coffee with my sister. Rather than foregoing the glass of wine with dinner so that I could run afterwards, I relaxed into my evening with my dad and had both wine AND dessert, making any post-dinner workout impossible. Instead of blocking off time to catch up on workouts, I blocked off time to have some of my high school girlfriends over for brunch. Rather than taking an afternoon run, I headed to my brother's office to participate in the surprise birthday cake for his 35th birthday. Or when I could have rushed home from a meeting to sneak in a workout before packing and getting ready for the plane, I rushed over to a friend's house to see her and her 9 month old son one more time before leaving the country. In each and every instance, I chose socializing over hitting my run workouts. And the strange thing about all this is that while I recognize in that my utter and complete failure to adequately manage my time and meet my workout goals and responsibilities, I am convinced that I would do the same thing in the same circumstance again. Even in seeing my culpability here, I wouldn't do anything different.
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Hanging out with the nephew, a peacock feather,
and a penguin at the zoo. |
While for some people working out is in and of itself a good to be sought, a thing to be protected, and something to be prioritized, I have to admit that socializing comes first for me, and my workouts are always best if they are also social. As much as I enjoy the meditative feeling of running by myself, I enjoy socializing with others more, so if I'm able to combine my sport with others - like in 2012, the summer of the cycling sisterhood, or 2010 when Nomi and I first learned to run and ran our first ever half marathons - then I'll be a-okay, but if left to myself I'm not entirely sure that I'll always carve out the appropriate time for sport.
Now that I've identified the root of my failing here, I'm not 100% sure what the implications are for my sporting goals - a 10km race in November and another 10km race in December - but I at least have taken a moment to identify and interrogate my own motivations so that I don't always just beat myself up for being a failure when it comes to my workouts.
Wish me luck...and better than that...say you'll come out for a run with me!
Over and out,
Joy
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