Going Rogue on my Training!

Joy here...Okay, so I signed up for the Toronto half marathon the weekend of October 18th.  And I'll cut to the end of the story here:  I didn't do the race.

Leading up to October I've just been so, darned busy.  A recent article, though, says that we're not as time-starved as we think; it says that according to one study, "The time is available to have a fulfilling career and rewarding family life," and thus, we should kind of buck up and stop thinking of ourselves as super time-starved.

So I've had to realize that I'm no more time-starved than anyone else, and probably better off than some.  And my inability to prioritize training has more to do with my failing to prioritize training than any actual, objective limits on the amount of time I could dedicate to training.

But instead of beating myself up over this inability to organize my time or prioritize properly, as is my usual wont (like when I blogged here), this time I'm just gonna own it (cue someone snapping and saying "you go girl!").

And what does it mean to "own it"?  It means that I'm just going to make a big announcement:

I'M GOING ROGUE ON MY TRAINING.

Yep, that's it.  That is all.  Sure, I'm going to run.  I've even found a squash partner for the new year.  I'm going to walk and hike, and when I get the chance I'm going to ride my bike.

But what I'm not going to do is sign myself up for races, tell myself I'm going to train, and then not be able to do it.  

I just have other priorities right now, and I'm sick of feeling bad because I just can't do all things all the time 100%.

So wish me luck...and I'm sure I'll be back!

Over and out,

Joy

USA: My Crazy Cousin, or My Thoughts on the UCI World Championships in Richmond

Joy here...Okay, I haven't blogged all summer, and we're well into fall, so instead of trying to fill in some of the gaps from the last few months, I'll just leave those as gaps and pick up where I am right now.

That's one of the lessons I've learned from training: When you miss a workout, don't try to start layering in all the missed workouts on top of new workouts, but just leave them incomplete and begin anew.

So that's what I'm doing now.  Beginning anew.

And I've decided to begin with a recap of the weekend of September 27th when The Man, myself, and a few friends headed to Richmond, Virginia to watch the UCI World Cycling Championships. Not only was it a great opportunity for those of us North Americans to get a chance to see some of the world's very best cyclists up close (a bonus that many Europeans can simply take for granted that is still a big deal to those of us on this side of the pond); but also, our friend (who just signed a World Tour Contract for next year with Canondale-Garmin - yay Mike!) was going to be racing for Team Canada.

So we bought our flights using my aeroplan points, booked a place to say using Airbnb, and headed to the States.

Rockin' the 90s LA style.

Now as a Canadian I've travelled to the US, but not as extensively as I've travelled throughout Canada or other parts of the world. I mean, I've done the typical Disney World family vacations; in my twenties I took a work trip to LA with my uncle when we both worked for the family business (and was totally weirded out that people were quicker to assume us a couple than an uncle & niece travelling together); I did a girls' holiday to Scottsdale with my besties in our twenties (where we hung out by the pool and pretended we were in a Reality TV Show, and that premise got funnier and funnier the more margaritas we drank); as an adult I've done trips to Boston and NYC to be all grown up and sophisticated and stuff; and my sister and I think it's a great idea to start doing sister trips to Miami in November to escape the "Winter is Coming" feeling in Canada.

So that's just to say that I've been to the States before.

And every time I go I am struck by a weird sense of ostranenie (остранение), the sense of defamiliarization of the familiar. Basically presenting familiar things in a way that makes them seem unfamiliar.

And that, my friends, in a nutshell is what a Canadian often feels in the USA.

UCI World Championships in Richmond

(And I suspect that Americans feel this same thing when they live, work, and travel in Canada.)

It's a strange sense of thinking that things should be familiar (except that they spell centre wrong and get rid of the letter "u" from words and things like that), but amidst all the familiarity of language and culture, I am always struck by the fact that things are not as similar as I might unthinkingly assume.

Here is a random list of some of my observations about how USA differs:

Cause, you know, not all schools are
"drug-free school zones," only the
ones with signs.

• When people say something is "urban" they don't mean "hip" or "busy," they mean "ghetto" or "crime-ridden";
• Walking as a mode of transportation engenders pity;
• Poverty and homelessness seem closely linked to race;
• Gun violence is a real thing to worry about;
• Taxis are non-existent or inefficient, but Uber is awesome;
• People can be super friendly and welcoming or super scary and frightening depending on which neighbourhood (or neighborhood) you find yourself in;
• It is a given that the way things are done in the States is the best. Period;
• Basic technological things - like mobile credit card payment and PIN machines - are surprisingly behind the times more often than not (like you still have to sign credit card slips in restaurants!);
• Public transportation is a place where crime happens;
• People really say things like "y'all" in regular conversation; and
• Obesity is real.

But given all that which seems odd, despite being familiar, there is also a charming "American-ness" that can create beautiful and genuine moments - moments of laughter and celebration, moments of connection, moments of discussion and conversation etc. - and while in Virginia for the UCI race, I was able to experience a moment of community like I had never before experienced.

USA! USA! USA!

For a large part of the race, Ben King, a local racer from Virginia was leading the race as part of a small breakaway.  We were standing on a hilly, cobbled stretch of road watching, amidst thousands upon thousands of spectators crowded by the roadsides rows thick. As the leaders of the race came into sight, these thousands of spectators began to chant:  "USA! USA! USA!"

Now normally I'd scoff at the blatant (and frightening) nationalism, or I would cynically wonder "what do they have to cheer about?" but amidst crowds of sports-loving fans under a sunny September sky cheering for a hometown boy, I couldn't help but feel a swell of emotion in my chest, a sense of warmth and earnestness, a sense of community that was uplifting and positive, and in that moment, I felt something quite wonderful about my crazy but loveable cousins to the south.

Here's to you, USA!

Over and out,

Joy

If I Had Known It'd be the Last Time...

Joy here…Our final weeks and days of our 12 months in Kuala Lumpur came like a crazy blur.  We were in the midst of many goodbyes and festivities.  We celebrated The Man turning 40; we had farewell gatherings with friends and family; and we packed up our whole life to head back to North America.

Celebrating The Man's big 40th birthday at our place in KL!

And somehow in all that insanity, my last bike ride and my last run in Kuala Lumpur came and went, with me always thinking that there'd be another truly truly truly "last" one still to come, one that I would know was the "last" one, and one where I would document every twist and turn, every green leaf, every bend in the road, and every single thought that I had to file it away as something special, something "last."

But, before I knew it, my "last" ride was now behind me, and my bike was packed up.  And then it was my running shoes put away in a suitcase, and my "last" run already completed.

3 bikes and some suitcases getting ready for the return journey.
(In the end, there would be 8 suitcases in addition to the 3
bikes…what can I say?  I guess we don't travel light!)

In both cases, I never really knew it would be the last time, and I felt a bit sad about letting that "last-ness" pass me by unnoticed.

But perhaps that's for the best.  Perhaps it's better that I experienced my "last" bike ride as just one of the many that I was able to enjoy throughout out 12 months WITHOUT WINTER.  Perhaps it's better that my last run was one where I felt strong and healthy and focused on the run itself, not on it being the "last" one.

And maybe, just maybe, that's something that I should remember going forward; I don't need to fixate on the special "last-ness" of any given event, but just stay focused in the immediate living of it, the immediate experience, the present-ness of life.

So while I keep my eye to where I want to go, I will also keep my eye on where I am in the moment, in the now.

Over and out,
Joy

Look where you want to go...

Joy here...While being based in Kuala Lumpur for the past 12 months I've had a chance to do some amazing bike rides through glorious scenery.  Along the way, we upgraded the wheels on my bike to some super fast Carbon C35s, which has given me more than one mini heart attack as I've gone descending down hairpin turns with 400m drops into the ravine below.

You see, I'm not one of those kids who grew up riding a bike, tearing around the neighbourhood on my BMX doing tricks.  I came to cycling really late in the game, into my 30s already.  And while I've certainly improved and learned how to love bike riding, I've never really mastered the fine art of descending.  Add to that my natural tendency to always fear the worst in things, and you have the perfect recipe for a pretty crappy descender on the bike.

But not to be daunted…I turned to YouTube for advice:

One of the great bits of advice in this video is "look where you wanna go," so as I rode the terrifying switchbacks down the hill in Kuala Lumpur on my new, fast wheels, I heard over and over in my head "look where you wanna go…look where you wanna go…look where you wanna go…"

And it became a mantra for me not just on the bike, but in life as well.

It is important not to look where you are afraid of going, but look where you want to go.  Don't look at those deep ravines and think about what could go wrong, but look where you want to go!

The road with the drop off into the jungle.

The drop way down from the road into the ravine 400m below.

So as I embark on my next adventure in life I'm going to keep that in mind, and I'm only going to look where I want to go, keeping my eye on my ambitions and aspirations not on all the things that could go wrong.  And at the end, I will reach my destination faster and with more confidence than I ever thought possible.  Just as what happened on my last Sunday ride in Kuala Lumpur as I raced down that winding road.

Because at the end of the day, while life sure is about the journey, having some kind of destination in mind and keeping it in the line of sight isn't such a bad idea after all.

Looking where I want to go,

Joy

Marriage: Fighting Together

I think learning how to fight with someone 
you love is important.  Do you?

Joy here...Well, it seems as though my last post about learning how to disagree in a marriage has hit a chord.

You see, where we are supposed to learn about fighting with our partners is probably in our homes when we grow up, but it seems that most of us grow up in families where parental fighting comes in one of the four following categories:

1. Let's not fight in front of the kids.
2. Pointed barbs and harsh words thrown across the dinner table while kids look down at their plates and try to avoid eye contact with everyone.
3. All out parental battles that have the kids scurrying to hide under their beds until the storm blows over.
4. Divorce.

None of these really teach us how to disagree properly or functionally when we grow up, do they?

So I've had to learn along the way (and am still learning; here's another post of some of the lessons I've learned/am learning so far).

I mean, to be fair, I'm not one prone to fighting or anything like that, but I care strongly about some things, and I'm not about to be a pushover about those handful of things that I'm passionate about.  My journey into figuring out how to be a grown up has included figuring out how to not give in and sacrifice a sense of myself while also being open to productive disagreement.

It's harder than you think.

In my last post I talked in general terms about how, for me, this has taken the form of empathy:  "the best disagreements come from productively trying to see the other person's point of view.  In that sense, both partners are actively trying to see through the other's eyes, rather than convert the other to his/her point of view".  One of my good friends read that and wrote to me saying:  "You need to expand the blog update to include some of the so very important points and 'ways' to fight that you provided to me".

How do you fight?

So here are some of the "ways" that I try to use to fight well with the one I love:

• Ask lots of questions rather than make points or attack:  For instance, I'll say things like, "why do you think it's fair that...?" or "why do you think x makes sense?" or "why do you think I deserve that?" etc.
• Let him/her figure things out rather than boss him/her to your side:  I kind of think of it the way I thought about teaching; when I taught (both high school and uni) I wanted to lead students through to discovering things for themselves.  It was no good for me to just tell them what I already knew.  It's not exactly the same with a partner (of course), but no one enjoys being lectured.
• Don't be afraid of bringing feelings into the discussion: I'll try to say things like, "I feel like you're attacking me..." or "I feel like we're talking at cross purposes..." or "I feel a little sensitive about this..." or even "I feel like I won't say this right, but..." I find that doing that helps me to truly identify what I am feeling rather than just spitting out frustrations I may have over the issue at hand.
• Kiss and make up and apologize:  Even in the best marital disagreement, there's probably some aspect that I feel I didn't handle super well, so I usually have to identify that part and apologize for it; sometimes I'll say things like, "I'm sorry that I was a bit mean in that," or "I shouldn't have let that become such a big deal," or whatever. I find that it's just easier to apologize for those parts that I'm not thrilled with myself about.  And kissing afterwards is key...no smouldering resentments allowed!

And, well, if all else fails, go to the gym, build up your muscles, and intimidate your partner! ;)

Over and out,

Joy